GERBILS.

Lin's position on hamsters seems conflicted, inconsistent, ever-changing—possibly a source of long-term despair. So I wasn't surprised when, upon arriving at Petco, Lin seemed vaguely worried (murmuring words like "why," "um," and, once, the rhetorical question "Why is this my life?" enunciated in the slightly segmented manner of a person attempting to plant a quote) and later became visibly uncomfortable, at one point seeming catatonic, completely ignoring me as I related, twice, the humorous observation that we'd actually been looking at gerbils for the past 30 minutes. Gerbils.

- Tao Lin, Great American Novelist